she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
