omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
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