I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
