Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
