Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
