so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
