Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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