Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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