i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
