The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
