Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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