that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
