i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
