Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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