i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
