Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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