Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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