I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
