i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
