I am in a vortex of obligation.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
