So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
