I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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