I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
