I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
