my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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