If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
