it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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