My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
