I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
