My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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