if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
