Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
