He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
