the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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