I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
high people should be assigned attendants
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
