i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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