thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
