His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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