You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Everyone says I win the strip club
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
