The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
