she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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