I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
