i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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