just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
