Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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