New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
