I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
