I met the friendliest cop last night
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
