Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
