Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
